On Breastfeeding

It seems ridiculous to me now, but before I ever had children, I remember vividly a conversation I had with a friend who was telling me about a mother who nursed her toddler in the middle of a room at a child's birthday party.  We were both appalled.  I remember saying this:

"When I have babies, of course I'm going to breastfeed them, because that's best; but once they're old enough to sit up and drink from a cup, why wouldn't you just pump and put it in a cup?!"

Then I had a baby, and everything went wrong.

I planned on a natural childbirth, but my daughter was breech and I had to have a c-section.  I planned to nurse from the get-go, but babies born via c-section are suctioned aggressively and get, what the nurse called, "shy mouth," and they don't open their mouths wide enough to latch on properly.

First, my nipples were shaping funny - flatter on one side than the other, but she seemed to be getting enough to eat, so why worry?  The first or second night home, my milk came in - I woke up in a soaking wet T-shirt and had to change and put a bunch of towels under my chest (I learned with my second child that this was actually a nice way for my milk to come in:).  After a few days, my nipples were literally falling apart - there was blood in the milk when I pumped and they would scab between feedings, only to come apart when I nursed again.  Oh yeah, and every time the baby latched on it felt like a thousand needles being jabbed into my nipple.  Good times.  I considered giving up - once - but my husband encouraged me to keep trying.  He knew it wasn't what I wanted.

At our one-week check-up, I saw a lactation consultant.  By now, baby was properly latched and we were "doing everything right!"  Except I was still a mess and it still hurt.  She prescribed me a special cream and sent me on my way.  At one point, I let my husband feed her one pumped bottle to give my nipples a break.  We didn't realize that milk comes out of a bottle much faster than it does out of a breast, and I didn't realize how much it would bother me to watch my husband feed my baby and not understand how important and precious that time was - it wasn't something you rushed through!  After the baby stopped screaming from all of the air she ingested with the bottle, I vowed to never give her another bottle again - and I didn't.

Remarkably, my nipples healed even though I kept nursing, but it still hurt.  I suffered for about three months when it finally happened.  It finally stopped hurting and we achieved this "nursing bliss" that the books tell you about.  We became pros!  We could nurse lying down, we could nurse in the car - by the time she was 6 months old, I could continue to nurse her while I walked to the other room to get the phone!  It was magic.  There is no explaining the kind of pride you have when you look at your round, healthy baby and know that your own body provided every ounce of their nutrition.

I read those nursing books that said, "When done properly, nursing isn't painful."  I wanted to round those authors up and shoot them.  I'm here to tell you that nursing can be very painful (though it's not for everyone - and I asked everyone).  Though it seems like it should be the most easy, natural thing in the world, breastfeeding can be really hard.  Beyond pain and scabbing and obvious physical demands, it can be a pretty heavy weight to be fully responsible for the feeding of your baby.  Hospitals send you home with formula - setting you up for an easy-out and failure.  Nursing babies eat more often and you'll be exhausted - it's easy to think that you're baby is not getting enough to eat.

If you are considering nursing (which you should), do yourself a favor: don't read those books, tell the hospital to keep the freebies and just read this instead:

• There is no formula that can even remotely compare to your breast milk - even the most expensive one is still full of crud a new baby should not be ingesting.
• Breast milk is free (check the cost on formula before you even think of it!), it's always at the right temperature, it's always available wherever you are and you don't have to wash any bottles!
• Breastfeeding sets off necessary hormonal reactions in both yours and your baby's bodies and creates an unbelievable bond between you and your child.
• You will get WAY more sleep if you nurse - especially if you co-sleep (see my tab on co-sleeping).
• The solution to almost every problem is nursing:  Milk not coming in?  Keep nursing.  Baby crying? Nurse them.  Engorged breasts?  Nurse.   Baby has jaundice?  Yep, you guessed it!

With the first baby, I used an Avent hand pump, which I loved (those Medela ones blow, as far as I'm concerned), but aside from the one time, I never was able to use any of the milk because I always nursed.  It's important to note that, unless you have to go back to work, pumping really messes with your supply.  If you're nursing full-on and pumping, you're going to be producing way more milk than you need, which can be a leaking, baby-spitting-up-excess mess.  If you stop nursing and pump more, your supply will start to dwindle because no pump is as efficient as a real baby.  Although it's comforting to have that extra milk in the fridge "just in case," by baby number two, I just pumped when my milk first came in because I was so engorged, but then I quit using it.  My second baby never had a bottle, and I nursed them for 16 and 17 months, respectively (though towards the end, it's just a morning and night feeding, and then usually the night one is the last to go).

Both of my kids self-weaned - I simply stopped offering, and eventually they stopped asking.  It was a very natural process, and I was surprised that I was far more sad about saying goodbye to nursing than my busy toddlers were.  In fact, though I'm very content with my family size, I would love to have a chance to nurse another baby - that's how rewarding and magical nursing is.  So, no matter what, don't give up, because I want you to have what I had!

BUT...

If you can't nurse, because you're on a medication, or your milk doesn't come in or whatever; I'll still love you, your baby will still love you and, most importantly, you must still love you.  Motherhood is tough - cut yourself some slack and just do the best you can.